What the heck is happening?

I've been so quiet. I don't mean this literally ey! But yeah, I feel I have been so quiet my whole life. It's like I don't speak myself out. I don't share everything about me. Yes, I talk and tell stories but something in me is still not been uttered.

I am sad, really really sad. From the outside this would seem impossible but deep within, I am not happy. I don't know why but I don't feel happy about myself. It's kinda frustrating to think that I am able to keep people around me happy with my jokes and silly stories but when it comes to me, I cannot even make myself happy.

I'm tryin' to figure this one out because it's really bugging me! I don't know why or how did this happened, it just came out and made me depressed. It feels like I'm so alone. Alone that no one would actually bother to ask how I feel. Something is really wrong and I know it. Just can't figure out what is it. Is it the people around me, or the problem is I myself?

Hanggang sa panaginip na lamang

     I am not so into writing stories. Yeah I do some but I find it tiresome. It's been a while since I last wrote a story and at last I began to write again. Here's one that I wrote for our project in Panitikan at Literatura. It was supposed to be a short story but in the middle of writing, I lost my mood. Thinking that I must finish it immediately, I still pushed through with it not minding how will it end up. So yeah! Here you go! 

Hanggang sa panaginip na lamang

ni Malvin Jay Quilanita

Dahan-dahan kong minulat ang aking mga mata. Sa aking pagkakamulat ay nasilayan ko agad ang liwanag na sumisilip mula sa bintana ng aking silid. Kay ganda ng umaga at waring ibinubulong sa akin na “Bangon na! Magandang umaga!”

Sana nga ganoon ang maririnig ko ngunit hindi, wala akong naririnig kundi ang ingay na nagmumula sa labas ng aking silid.

“Ano?! Nasaan ang sweldo mo? Binigay mo na naman sa mga babae mo!” malakas na sigaw ni inay kay itay.

“Wala! Wala! Ako tigilan mo diyan sa kakasabi mo ng may babae ako ah. Baka tuluyan kita at humanap ako ng iba!” pabulyaw naman na sagot ni itay sabay daling lumabas ng bahay at pumunta sa kung saan na nasisiguro kong naglagi sa aking ninong upang makipag-inuman.

“Boyet! Ikaw kumilos-kilos ka na nga! Aba’y ang sarap ng buhay mo ah. Sarap ng tulog tapos tanghali na kung gumising. Magaling! Ano pa tinutunganga mo diyan? Kilos at simulan mo ng maglinis ng bahay!” galit na utos ni inay sa akin na araw-araw na ata niyang ginagawa sa akin.

Ganito ang sitwasyon at pangyayari sa aming bahay araw-araw. Mula pagkagising ko hanggang sa ako’y matulog, sigawan dito sigawan diyan, utos dito at utos diyan. Lubhang nakabibingi!

Pinatigil na ako ng inay sa pag-aaral dahilan sa hindi sapat ang natatanggap na sweldo ni itay sa pagsa-side line niya sa pagkakarpintero. Ilang taon na rin akong tumigil ngunit magpasahanggang ngayon ay may hinanakit pa rin ako sa aking mga magulang dahil hindi man lamang nila nagawan ng paraan kung paano ako mapapag-aral at mapagtatapos.

Naging taong-bahay ako at ako ang palagiang inuutusan sa mga gawaing bahay. Wala akong kapatid kaya’t lahat ng gawain ay ako ang gumagawa. Nagagalit ako sa aking mga magulang dahil imbis na ako’y nagbabasa at nagsusulat sa paaralan ay heto ako at walang napapala kakasunod ng walang humpay nilang mga utos.

            “Hoy ikaw boyet! Ayusin mo ang paglilinis ng bahay. ‘Yan na nga lang ang naitutulong mo dito baka naman hindi mo pa magawang ayusin yan.” Boses ni inay na nanggagaling mula sa kusina.

Kinagabihan, itinuloy ko ang matagal ko ng pinlanong paglayas sa amin. Dahan-dahan akong lumakad papalabas ng aming bahay. Unti-unti ay nakikitang napapalayo na ako sa aming bahay. Habang ako’y naglalakad, nakadama ako ng galak, galak na matagal ko nang hindi naramdaman. Labis akong nagsaya at nakaalis na ako sa poder ng aking mga magulang.

“Malaya na ako! Wala nang sigawan, wala nang ingay!” napabulyaw ako sa tuwa.

Sa aking paglalakad, nakaramdam ako na mayroong sumusunod sa akin. Nagpatuloy ako sa aking paglakad ngunit sa bawat paghakbang ko ay alam ko na kung sinuman ‘yon ay sinasabayan niya ako sa aking paghakbang.

Binilisan ko ang aking mga hakbang hanggang sa ako’y tumakbo na. Tumakbo ako ng matulin at huminto ako nang sa tingin ko’y nailigaw ko na siya. Ngunit sa kawalan ay mayroong taong biglang bumulaga sa akin. Nagdilim ang aking paningin at nawala ng malay.

Nagising ako at nang imulat ko ang aking mga mata ay narron akong muli sa aming bahay. Labis ang aking pagtataka kung bakit naroon ako muli. Ang natatandaan ko ay umalis na ako sa amin. Nilibot ko ang buong bahay, wala si inay at itay. Kahit saan ako maghanap ay wala sila. Mas tumindi ang aking pagtataka.

Naglakad-lakad ako sa labas ng aming bahay. Sa hinid ko malamang dahilan ay pilit kong hinahanap si inay at itay. Sa aking paghahanap, sa ‘di kalayuan ay nakakita ako ng mga taong nagkakagulo waring may nangyayaring hindi maganda roon. Dali akong pumunta sa kinaroroonan ng mga tao. May naririnig akong babaeng sumisigaw.

“Anak! Anak ko!” paulit-ulit ang sigaw ng babae.

Sa aking kagustuhang malaman kung ano ang nangyayari ay pinilit kong sumingit sa nagkakagulong mga tao at laking gulat ko nang makita ko si inay buhat ako sa kaniyang mga braso.

“Boyet! Gumising ka boyet!” sigaw ni inay na may kasamang paghihinagpis.

Hindi ako makapaniwalang nakikita ko ang aking sarili na walang buhay.

“Ngunit imposible! Heto ako buhay na buhay! Inay! Nandito ako!”

Makailang beses kong tinatawag si inay ngunit wala siyang naririnig. Wari’y hindi niya alam na nandito ako. Kahit si itay ay hindi rin ako marinig. Hindi ko lubusang maintindihan ang nangyayari. Nakita ko sa kanilang mga mata ang labis na hinagpis at lungkot habang ako’y nahihimlay sa braso ng aking mahal na ina. Gusto ko man silang lapitan ngunit hindi ko magawa. May kung sa hindi ko maipaliwanag ay mayroong pumipigil sa akin.

Biglang nagbalik sa aking alaala ang naganap nung gabing ako’y nagdesisyong umalis sa amin. Kinitil pala ang aking buhay ng taong biglang sumulpot mula sa kawalan. Hindi ko maintindihan. Napakagulo ng aking isipan. Bumalik lahat ng mga naganap nung araw na puno na ng galit ang naramdaman ko sa aking mga magulang. Unti-unting nagdidilim ang paligid. Pilit kong nilalakasan ang aking sigaw upang ako’y kanilang marinig ngunit wala pa ring nangyayari.

“Inay! Inay! Nandito ako! Wag niyo akong iwan inay! Itay! Nandito ako! Nandito ako! Inaaaaaaaaaaaay!”

Namulat akong muli. Pawisan ako at pagod na pagod. Isang panaginip lamang pala ang lahat, isang napakasamang panaginip na hindi ko nanaising muling makita pa o maiguhit man lang sa aking guni-guni. Mabilis akong tumayo sa pagkakahiga ko sa aking kama. Hinanap ko si inay at itay. Si inay ay nagluluto at si itay naman ay nagkukumpuni ng nasirang upuan sa labas ng bahay. Niyakap ko sila ng napakahigpit na madalang kong gawin. Ngayon ko naramdaman na hindi ko kayang mabuhay nang wala sila sa aking piling. Oo, ginusto kong mapalayo sa kanila noon ngunit ngayo’y alam ko na isa ‘yong pagkakamaling hindi ko na muling uulitin pa, pagkakamaling hanggang sa panagnip na lamang.

Social Networking: A plague

     Have you ever saw someone posted a photo on facebook with a caption in it that says "Never mind the face" or even a quotation that is not relevant at all with what the photo depicts? Not only that, have you ever encountered a person who posts his entire life in every status of his?

     I am pretty sure you have. It's too mainstream nowadays. I don't know why it happens to be that widespread even if  I find it very non-sense. Sorry for the word but yeah I do find it meaningless. Meaningless in the sense that, why indicate in the caption "never mind the face" if  he would basically post it in his wall and everybody else will see it? That's so ridiculous! If you really mean that line, I suggest you delete your photo and upload one that we cannot locate your face or better yet make the whole photo black, completely black!
     Another thing is that why include a saying or a quotation with highfaluting and flowery words when in the first place, it has no connection to the photo at all! Very silly don't you think? Why not attach a more interesting and "relevant" phrases or sentences rather than those quotations and saying I bet you only got from the internet.
     "Eating breakfast... Yummy!", "Ang lamig! Sino pwedeng kayakap?" uuggghhh! Those lines! Those irritating lines! I guess I have read millions of lines like that everyday. Posts that has nothing to do with us. It really gets into my nerves everytime I see posts like that. Who the hell cares if you're eating breakfast? Would I also be full if I know that you are eating your breakfast? Come on! 
     Social Networking sites like facebook, twitter, and alike sites are supposed to be a medium for us to connect with other people. That's why it's called "Social" right? But it seems as time passes by and new generations arouses, the true and main purpose of these sites are not being kept. People are now posting anything they want and saying anything their mind has in store. Slowly, I presume that the term "Social Networking" will eventually turn into "Personal Networking". I guess some people aren't just aware of what other might think or feel on whatever he decides to post.
     It really buzzes up my mind everytime I think of the reason why people ended up like that. But the point here is that, even if it is just a small thing, it can have a huge amount of effect not only to those who are reading but also the ones who are involved in it. I guess you find me over reacting with this topic but you cannot blame me to be so concerned with this because it is very alarming that maybe one day, due to this incessant non-sense activities of people, our society would be so far from what we imagine it would be. Imagine people not being so private anymore. It really scares me a lot!
     So when will this stop? I bet no one can answer it. But I do hope it ends soon before this plague turns us all into nuts!

Engaging into new things

"That is so BORING!"

     I can still remember when I said that line. I never imagined myself back then that I will do stuff like this, creating a blog. My mentality before is that things like this is useless and a big waste of time! Come and think of it, why devote your time in posting articles that is not merely seen by all? Who cares anyway blah, blah, blah... Isn't that such a dumb idea? 

     But hey! Who would have thought that this person, this particular person who wrote this post was such a stupid person to ever say that doing stuff like this is so lame. 

     Well maybe, I am not so dumb and stupid anymore right? I don't know why but something pushed me and made me eager to go into this website and create an account. It is not because it's too mainstream or what but because it's interesting I guess. You can say anything you want. Post anything you desire and share thoughts and ideas anytime and anywhere you like. Isn't that cool!

     Actually, it was really never my field of interest not only to do blogging but also alike stuffs. I am very lethargic when it comes to these things but I asked myself, why not engage into new things? Why not devote my time in things that could possibly hone my skills in writing? I guess it's not a bad thing after all. In fact there was never a wrong thing in trying right?

I captured the very first time I made a blog! This one's for keeps...

    
 And yeah! Here I am, doing something in the middle of the night which I have never even thought I would be engaged in. Funny isn't it? But I think this won't be the last... Hopefully. Hahaha!